Okay, this is going to be a short one (Yeah. That’s what she said.) today on The Midnight Goose. But, I feel that I need to talk about the perils of having a wife (that would be JoJo) who enjoys listening to, shall we say…questionable…audio books.
Look, a few months back, I turned JoJo onto the Libby app after my step-sister, a Library Services Administrator told me about it. It’s an app you can download for iOS and Android where you can borrow free ebooks and audiobooks from your local library as long as you are signed up with the library and have a card.
Well, it took JoJo a minute to really hop on board, but now she’s a total devotee to audiobooks. And it’s been swell. I mean, she gets to listen to all of the books she wants for free and has really branched out, trying a lot of genres she might not have otherwise given a chance. She really truly enjoys laying in bed with the dog and listening to Libby.
But there’s a dark side.
The other night, I was in the living room in my comfy chair, working away on the laptop and JoJo was in bed with the dog, listening to some book. Usually, her audiobook is just background noise and I really don’t know what’s going on with it. However, I happened to pay attention for the few seconds it took the narrator to say the line:
“And then I drank a glass of Scotch and went upstairs and fucked my wife.”
Okay. So, she’s listening to some F.U.S. (fucked up shit). Whatever, she’s not bothering me, so I let it be.
Then I was sitting in the living room this morning, working again, and I heard her audiobook startup in the bedroom. Then, at just the right time, I was paying attention again and heard:
“She saw his big, brown weiner fall out of his soccer shorts.”
I mean, okay. Someone’s junk fell out of their shorts. It happens. I don’t know why it had to be qualified as a “big, brown weiner”, but whatever.
Then, and you know what was going on–I was working–and JoJo starts her audiobook up and the first line had a certain word for a man’s junk (starts with a “C”) used three times.
So, I didn’t know what kind of nasty shit my wife was getting into with her audiobooks, but I knew that I was unsettled. Finally, I mentioned to her that I noticed she was listening to some nasty shit. She looked at me, her brow furrowed, and said:
“You recommended all three books to me because you’ve read them before you dumb shit.”
*shrugs* I guess reading filth is processed differently than when you hear someone say it out loud.
I gotta go.
But, first–to all of my female readers, I don’t want you to forget this:
Until next time…