JoJo is my wife.  She keeps life interesting.  If you don’t believe me, just read the other 12 entries in this saga.

Anyhoozles, recently, JoJo started nearly 4 weeks of vacation.  She’s been off since right before Halloween and won’t go back until Black Friday.  Not a problem, right?  Couples should spend as much time together, connecting, reconnecting, learning about each other, and keeping that bond strong.

We have no problem with that.  We can be around each other 24/7 without anyone getting more than a few abrasions.  We’re pretty close.

However, JoJo is used to working, to leaving home to go work, have an exciting day, socialize with others, and get out and about.  I’m a work-at-home fella, and my workday is quite different than JoJo’s.  When she’s at work 4 days a week, I’m at home working on the computer and things are just structured a lot differently.

Regardless, on the first few days of JoJo’s vacation, it was no big deal.  They were her normal days off anyway.  But as the weekend drew near, and it would have been time for JoJo to start her work week…things got…dicey.

On Friday, when she would have been at work, but was not, and I started my work for the day, it became apparent that having nothing to do was too much for the missus.  I was in the office, typing away, and she came in and plopped down and just stared at me.

Me: What?

JoJo: Whatcha doing?

Me: *looking at her confused*  Working.  Obviously.

JoJo: Oh.

Me: Yeah, so…

JoJo: Is this what your workday is like?  I thought you’d at least play music or like, talk to the voices in your head.  It’s quiet and boring as shit around here.

Me: *typing louder* What did you think you were missing when you are at work and I am here working?

JoJo: Something better than this.


Anyhoozles, she left the office and went into the bedroom to lay on the bed and listen to one of her books through the Libby app.  Things were nice and quiet and peaceful and productive.  Until…I start to hear JoJo say, “Oh.  Oh, no.  No.  Oh, shit.  Oh, no no no.  Crap. Shit. Fuck.”

I had two choices.  Either put my earphones in and listen to music and pretend that nothing was happening or I could go investigate.  I chose to investigate.  I mean, first and foremost, I’m a writer.  And I’m always looking for material.

So, I go into the bedroom and JoJo is sitting up on the bed, holding our dog, looking concerned.  Before I can ask what’s wrong with our dog, JoJo looks at me and says: “I did something bad.”

And then she started cackling like a crazy person.

She had decided to try and groom our dog by herself (even though we had planned to use our Sunday to groom Jolene).  Here is the result of what JoJo did to our poor dog.


Yeah.  My wife is That Bitch™.  I immediately decided to start referring to Jolene as “Britney 2007.”

Needless to say, our dog looked like a fucking mess until Sunday when I had time to help JoJo fix her “mistakes” and make our dog look a little more presentable.


I got her back to nearly presentable.  Though she still wasn’t happy with either of us.

Just a hot damn mess.

Continuing on with this thread, Jodi made dinner on Friday night.  Corn dogs and tater tots.  Then Saturday night, she made dinner.  Corn dogs and tater tots.  See a theme here?  Anyhoozles, on Sunday night, she was being exceptionally testy with me and I asked her why she was being so mean.  Her exact words:

“No wonder you’re so bitchy all the time! Being the homemaker is fucking annoying! I can’t imagine doing this shit day after day and working the hours you work!”

Yes.  JoJo made us corn dogs and tater tots two nights in a row and then realized that each week when I take four to six hours out of a day to prep us fresh meals for the upcoming week, it’s actually hard work.

Side note: she said this after I had done dishes and was in the bathroom cleaning water spots off of the mirror.

It made me feel good that she recognized the energy and effort I put into keeping this house somewhat together and still work 60-80 hours a week.

Also, I smoked a cigarette.  I’m a horrible person.  And I did this to my thumb with the lighter on accident:


So, yeah.  JoJo’s vacation is starting out great.

I gotta go.

Until next time…


8 thoughts on “Things My Wife Says – An Ongoing Saga – Pt. 13

  1. After two weeks of “togetherness” with The Husband Dude when I first had my hysterectomy, I’m pretty comfortable in saying that one of us will get to retire and one will have to work until they die. I’m pretty sure since he’s older and get to retire first, I’m the sucker who has to work until the day of my funeral.

  2. So David and I have been working out of our home, together, for at least 15 years, but who’s counting. I understand about the bored spouse come to keep you company thing. I’ve been on both ends of that situation. All I can say is that in the line of work we do, I couldn’t even imagine working anywhere else but home now. With that said, whenever I get to start my own practice, I’ve been forewarned not to see clients at home –because, apparently, mentally unstable clients feel more “at home” in committing homicide and/or suicide in home offices versus office buildings. Go figure and damn. I was hoping to office out of our home when the time came. So, that sucks the big one. So was JoJo going for a punk rock, edgy look? I think Jolene might look really cool with either blue or magenta fur. Also, isn’t it nice to be acknowledged for your culinary skills and talents? Mona

    1. Yeah. I think I would avoid having a home office in your line of work for that exact reason. Be safe, friend! Also, I don’t know what the hell JoJo was doing other than being bored and caused trouble. Oy vey.

  3. My husband is planning to retire next year… and to be perfectly honest, I’m dreading it like the plague. Yes, I love him and we enjoy our time together. But 24 hours a day of it? Too much of a good thing and all that. He’s like JoJo, used to having full, busy days with social interaction. I doubt it will be a smooth transition.

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