it's all about spring

Happy Yum-Yum Friday, Goose Army!  I haven’t done a Yum-Yum Friday in a bit, so I thought I’d bring you something that JoJo loves for me to make: Lemon Lavender Cupcakes.  Now, look, the first time I made these for her, I went old school scratch homemade on that ass.  However, when I want to eat Lemon Lavender Cupcakes but don’t feel like working too hard, this is how I make them.  And they are nearly as good. Besides, JoJo is married to me now.  Who the fuck am I trying to impress?

Side note: the first time I made these for her was when I hosted a Beltane luncheon–they’re GREAT for Beltane.  But any time of year is fine, too.

So, you bunch of dusty bitches, let’s make some gawt damn delicious cupcakes.




1 box of Yellow Cake Mix (I love the Kroger brand “Delicious Yummy Yellow”)

3 eggs

2 tubs of Pillsbury White Icing

1/3 cup vegetable oil

1 cup milk

3 large eggs

2 tsp Lemon Bakery Emulsion

1 tsp Natural Lavender Extract

Powdered sugar

Yellow gel food coloring

Purple gel food coloring

Let’s talk about the ingredients briefly.  Let’s start with the cake mix, shall we?

Cake Mix – the Kroger brand Delicious Yummy Yellow Cake Mix calls for the mix, 1/3 vegetable oil, 1 cup water, and 3 large eggs.  I usually use 3 eggs, 1 cup milk, and 1/3 cup melted butter.  It’s even more delicious that way.  I was somehow out of butter on this day so I used milk, 3 eggs, and oil.  You do you, boo.

IMG_4027Gel Food Coloring – Invest in some good gel food coloring if you bake a lot.  The stuff is amazing and one drop colors the shit out of baked goods.  It lasts a long fucking time.  The brand I buy is available on Amazon here.  However, I don’t know your financial situation or how your bank account is set up or if you have an Amazon account, so you do what you gotta do.

IMG_4051Natural Lavender Extract.  This stuff is POTENT.  It’s also a little pricey, but a little goes a very long way.  Sure, you can just buy dried lavender to put in your cupcakes, but think of your poor teeth and gums.  This stuff is the way to go.  You can buy the kind I use here.

Lemon Bakery Emulsion.  This stuff is absolutely heavenly.  It smells and tastes amazing and goes a long way, too.  It’s a little unusual compared to other flavorings you might have encountered in the past.  It’s very viscous–almost like a lotion.  Yeah.  That’s an appetizing thought.  You can buy this here.

Okay, so, let’s make some cupcakes, you dusty bitches!

Dump your cake mix, eggs, oil, and milk into a big mixing bowl and whisk away!

Then add your lotion…I mean, Lemon Bakery Emulsion.

See.  Looks like lotion.  Or…other things.

Then add two drops of yellow food coloring to the mix.  Yes, I know this is already a yellow cake mix.  Just do it.  Aesthetically it will be amazing and you’ll thank me later.  However, if you’re just going to shame eat these by yourself while marathoning a Netflix show, don’t bother.  No one but you will see them.

See?  Makes the batter brighter and lemon-y-er.  Yeah.  That’s how you say it.

Line a 12-well muffin tin with paper liners (or these reusable silicone ones that I LOVE) and fill 3/4 of the way full with batter.  I used paper this time because some of these are being taken to other people and I don’t want to chase down my silicone liners.

Now, shove that shit in the oven for 22 minutes.

In the meantime, scoop your 2 tubs of icing into a mixing bowl and add 1 cup powdered sugar and 2 drops of purple gel food coloring.  The powdered sugar helps make the frosting firmer, but you can leave it out or put in more as needed.  Powdered eggs whites or “meringue powder” can be used, too.  Powdered sugar is much cheaper, though, and who doesn’t want diabetes?


Mix that shit in thoroughly and then, here’s a tip.  If you have frosting like this you need to set to the side until it’s time to use it, cover it with some damp paper towels, then throw a clean dishtowel over that.  It keeps it nice and smooth and perfect and it won’t dry out before you’re ready for it.

Once your cupcakes are ready, set them aside and let them cool THOROUGHLY!  Otherwise, your frosting will melt when you decorate your cupcakes.

Fuckin’ Yum!


Now, let’s talk about something I decided to try.  I bought a dessert decorating tool.  Whenever I frost a cake or cupcakes or cookies, I just get a butter knife or rubber spatula, or even a spoon.  Well, I saw this shit on Amazon for 8 bucks and thought, ya’ know what, sold.  I’mma try this bullshit so my next batch of cupcakes isn’t so busted ass and ghetto.  If you want to buy one and try it for yourself, you can find it here.

Yeah.  It looks a little weird and like it’s used for certain medical procedures.  But it was super easy to fill (I just scooped frosting into it with a standard size spoon) with frosting and even easier to use to frost the cupcakes.  Now, look, this was my first time using it, so I didn’t do a great job.  That was due to my own inexperience–nothing to do with the tool.  I definitely recommend this muhfucker for value, price, and ease of use.  So, if you want it, go pick yourself up one for $8.  I just used the regular round tip because I’m inexperienced with it and didn’t want to get too fancy.

So…I frosted some cupcakes:


I think if I had 12 more cupcakes, I would have perfected using the decorating tool.  Then they wouldn’t look like unicorns dropped a deuce on ’em.

But, it’s not what they look like but how they taste.  So…fuck it.  I even added some leftover pink sprinkles from JoJo’s birthday cake last year, and they’s even prettier now.

Also, don’t lick purple gel food coloring off the tip of your thumb:

I’ve brushed my tongue 4 times to get it down to a dark pink color.

I gotta go.

Until next time…




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