So, if it’s not apparent yet, JoJo (the missus) and I are a couple of weirdos. We’re weird, our relationship is weird, we do weird things…and it all works so well for us.
Over the last week-and-a-half, I’ve been living on a day schedule and JoJo has been living on a night schedule (because that’s what has been required by our jobs). Because of this, on JoJo’s work days, I see her when she gets up in the afternoon to have breakfast and get ready for work and then to see her off to work. For those four work days, that’s the only time we’ve had with each other. JoJo was a little dubious about this when it first became apparent that we were going to start being on opposite schedules. However, I reminded her that she’s said in the past that she never has alone time because I work at home and we are on the same schedule. I told her that now she’ll have several hours each day where I’m in bed and she’s up and about, enjoying the house to herself.
Apparently, this is only a good thing in theory. Last Monday (4 days into this new way of living) I woke up to a typed letter sitting on my laptop from JoJo saying she was leaving me.
Okay…so, it was a joke:
She’s not great with the written word–and I can’t show you the whole letter because it had personal information that I can’t share.
However, after reading the letter, gasping at the first few words, then smiling through the rest of it, I went about my daily routine. I got Jolene (our dog) settled, gathered my things, and headed to the post office. Once I was driving away from the house, the car gave an alert that there was low tire pressure. I said “shit” out loud to myself and did my business at the post office, intending to run by and check the tires and fill them up with air at the gas station before going home. Then I remembered that I didn’t have any quarters with me (’cause even air costs money now), so I had to run back home to get some quarters.
By the way, it had been raining off-and-on in our neck of the woods for 4 days straight and it was 41 degrees that day. Our front walkway was essentially a lake. I had to walk through that on my way to the car, then back through it to get quarters, then back through it to leave. And of course, when I finally got home from checking the tires and adding air, I had to walk through it again. Yeah. Frostbite.
So, I was not in a great mood. I was cold, I was wet, and I had to change into long pants, a long-sleeve Henley, put on my house slippers (once my feet were dried off), and snuggle under a blankie while I worked.
Then, I realized why JoJo had written the first words to her letter the way she had. It was retaliation for a prank I had pulled on her.
Okay…so about a month ago, I happened to text JoJo telling her that Barnes & Noble had ordered 1,000 copies of one of my books. When she asked, ecstatically, if I was serious, I had said: “No. We’re still poor. Carry on.”
She was pissed for half a day about that.
She had written this letter the way she had to give me a shock and as payback for my little trick.
What else could I do at that point? I’ll tell you what–I got a red pen, grabbed the letter, and corrected all of her spelling, grammar, and punctuation like a sixth grade English teacher, wrote “D+” in red marker in the upper right-hand corner, then put a note at the bottom to “see me after class.” Then I put it on the coffee table with her Bath & Body Works stuff I’d picked up from the post office.
Yeah. I’m That Bitch™.
I gotta go.
Until next time…