Happy Friday, Goose Army!  I know on Fridays I usually bring you a Yum-Yum Friday…but instead of a recipe this week, I wanted to show you dusty bitches how JoJo (the missus) and I throw down at Casa de Fatass in October.

So, Halloween season is in full swing (which is more of a thing in the U.S. than anywhere else in the world).  JoJo and I are fully committed every year to fitting in as many scary movie/Halloween movie nights as possible in the month.  We had one 2 weeks ago, but tonight, we had another (tonight being Tuesday the 23rd).  Two weeks ago, Cynthia came over and we had chili dogs with the trimmings, Frito pies, candy, cookies, ice cream, and coffee with flavored creamer, and watched Creepshow and Creepshow 2.  It was a lot of fun and we all gained a few pounds.

Let me walk you through the cheap–yet delicious fun JoJo and I had tonight, though.  I want to show you all that you can have the best time in the world with your boo and spend less than $20.  Granted, this is contingent upon the assumption that you have Amazon Prime, Hulu, and Netflix–but, I mean, this is 2018.  If you don’t have Amazon Prime, Hulu, and Netflix, fuck out of here with your bullshit, okay? (Just kidding–if you don’t have Hulu, Amazon Prime, or Netflix, just make due with DVD’s you have–or use someone else’s log-in)

Step one today involved going to get the oil and filter changed in our car, getting coffee (obviously), having lunch at Cellarman’s Pub, picking up groceries, going by the post office, yada yada yada.  However, once we got home, the fun really started.

We’d already had lunch, so the first thing we did was get in our PJ’s (at 4pm).  Then JoJo laid out on the couch with a blankie and pillow and I curled up in the chair-and-a-half.  And we decided to watch The Skeleton Key–which is included with Amazon Prime.

So, this is one of my favorite thrillers to watch almost any time of the year.  But JoJo had never seen it, so I wanted to watch it with her to see if she saw the twist at the end coming.  ***SPOILER ALERT*** She did not.  Anyhoozles, this is a really fun, thrilling movie with Kate Hudson, Gena Rowlands, and John Hurt.  It’s atmospheric and charming and fun, and it really does have a great twist at the end.  Some people see it coming, some kind of know what’s going to happen, and a lot of people are surprised all to shit.  Honestly, I also think it’s some of the best acting Kate Hudson has done in her entire career.  I mean, sure, she’s been great in a lot of things, but this movie proved that she can do just about anything.  She’s one of those actresses who just make me want to see a movie, no matter what it’s about.  So, I definitely recommend you try this one out.  Other than some violence and cursing, it’s pretty family friendly, too.  Anyone over the age of 12 should be able to handle this one. (Fun fact–it has an amazing soundtrack that I often listen to whilst writing)

After the first movie, which JoJo enjoyed, I set about bringing out the tools to make us some “Ghetto Ass Halloween Cookies.”  JoJo said she would help by eating them.  Fair enough.

Here’s how those were made:

Buy these.  They cost like $2.50
Fit about 15 on a baking sheet lined with parchment (eat the other 9 cookies raw and worry about salmonella later).  Bake at 350 degrees F for exactly 14 minutes.
While the cookies bake, get 2 bowls and put 1 cup of powdered/confectioner’s sugar in each.
Get yourself some quality Gel Food Coloring.  You’ll need green and orange (or “Sunset Orange” and “Leaf Green” if you’re fancy).
Put LITERALLY 1 drop in each bowl.  Then add a teaspoon of water.
STIR IT UP!  You want fairly thick, spreadable consistency, but add more water as needs be.
The cookies look underdone.  That’s okay.  We don’t want crunchy goddamn cookies.  Ew.  Let them sit and cool for 10 minutes.
See how they flattened out and finished on the hot cookie sheet as it all cooled down?  Perfect.
Decorate those bitches with icing.  This method of making icing is quick, easy, cheap, and dries within minutes–and, ooooh, shiny.  I used a spoon to decorate them because I’m “Hood.”
Put those motherfuckers on a plate–and get ready to chow down and watch your next movie.  This takes less than 30 minutes and minimal effort.

JoJo then set about making us a pot of coffee, which she added French Vanilla Coffeemate liquid creamer to hers, and Marshmallow Hot Chocolate Coffeemate liquid creamer to mine.  And she even put mine in my Christmas mug:

Coffee just tastes better in this mug.

All right, so we settled in with our Ghetto Ass Halloween cookies and our mugs of frou-frou coffee and started on our next movie.  What did we choose as our next movie?

Okay, so this one costs $3.99 on Amazon Prime.  But…it’s free on Hulu under the Huluween heading!  Yay!  I hadn’t watched this schlock-fest in many years–and it was a perfect second movie.  If you’ve never seen it, what the hell is wrong with you?  It’s hilariously campy, funny, wacky, witty, and it’s just absolutely ridiculous–like Elvira herself.   And I mean that as a compliment.  The first time I saw this was in the movie theater when my step-father took my mom, sister, and me to see it back in 1988 or 1989.  And it was just so much fun.  Appropriate for a 9 or 10-year-old?  Probably not…but, what would it be like growing up if your parents didn’t make a few bad choices from time to time?  This one has some blue-humor and revealing clothing and implied sexuality, but for the most part is just silly.  I’d say it’s family friendly if everyone is over 13-years-old.

After that movie, it was time for a “real” meal.  And by that, I mean to say that JoJo made us corn dogs and tater tots.  Yes.  CORN DOGs.  Suck it, Mona! (Just kidding!  I love you, lady!)

Anyhoozles, JoJo was the chef for our Ghetto Ass Corn Dogs and Tater Tots:

Don’t make fun of the sheet pan!  It’s seen war!

I ate 3 corn dogs.  JoJo ate 2 of them.  We weren’t able to eat all of the tots.  But…while we dug into corn dogs and tater tots, we decided to watch a movie that neither of us had seen before…

p14657253_p_v8_aaThis is one we’ve been meaning to watch on Netflix (again, free movie) for a really long time.  It’s the tale of a boy who has the most amazing babysitter who he is in love with (he’s 12, she’s 18, so…normal).  She’s fun, kind, treats him like he’s her favorite person…she just also happens to be a member of a group of Satan worshippers.  I mean, who hasn’t encountered that scenario before?  If I had a nickel…  Anyhoozles, this one is intentionally silly and funny and over the top–and we had so much fun watching it.  Of course, it’s a movie by McG, so you know it’s going to be absolutely ridiculous in all the best ways.  If you haven’t seen this one yet, and you have a Netflix membership, I would definitely recommend checking it out.  Lots of great kills, one-liners, romance, action, blood, guts, and tons of heart to make it a fun movie for everyone involved.  However, this one is definitely for the older folks in the house.  Sixteen and up, y’all.  Don’t let the kiddies watch this one.

Anyhoozles, that’s how we get crunk at Casa de Fatass.  We are already planning another horror movie night for next week–one last hurrah before Halloween comes and goes.  And I can’t wait!

I gotta go.

Until next time…


9 thoughts on “Scary Movies & Snacks Night

  1. I would never make fun of that sheet pan. That’s like your Nana’s sheet pan–she’s had it for 60 years and everyone in your family who has ever been a child has eaten some damn fine eats right from that sheet pan. Little fingers learned their lessons about trying to steal fresh-out-the-oven cookies off that sheet pan before they cooled. That sheet pan is made of love and happiness and delicious memories.

  2. Sooo much fun I’m missing. All I get to watch at our house is Halloween Wars on Food Network while enjoying popcorn with Hershey’s syrup drizzed over the top — by myself. We used to go to Halloween parks and haunted houses. Now, we don’t even go to the State Fair. 🙁 Don’t know how I let things get to this point. WTF — it is what it is. Some people in my household can’t handle the scare factor. Ah, well. I shall enjoy vicariously through y’all! Mona

  3. I had to laugh at the ad placement in this post. You write about corn dogs and Fritos Pie and a constipation relief ad pops up.
    I love a good scary movie night, although I admit to not having seen Elvira. My husband is a jumper, so at the really good parts I grab him and yell boo to measure how far he comes up off the couch. Good times!

  4. Sounds a lot like our annual Monster Movie Marathon we have in honor of The Husband Dude’s October birthday. He insists on watching the “classics”, Dracula, The Wolfman, Frankenstein. Then we break out the B movies like anything from Ed Wood. I usually make snacks for chowing down all day because it is an all day affair. Your ghetto cookies are just my speed!

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