So, as y’all in the Goose Army know from reading Das Goose religiously (God love ya’), JoJo (the missus) and I talk mad shit to each other via text.  We roast each other hardcore and every diss is met with shrugged shoulders.  We don’t give an eff of any size about any of it because we are secure individuals.  Plus, we know we love and respect each other deeply, so what’s it hurt to blast each other on the daily?

Maybe we’ll wind up in couples counseling one day, but that day ain’t today.

As I’ve done in the past, I’m going to share some fairly recent texts that JoJo and I have sent each other randomly.  Please enjoy and try not to judge.  Oh, hell, judge away.  We don’t care.


 

1
Two things – JoJo doesn’t text well in the middle of the night and who doesn’t ask their spouse if they’re required to put out on “date night”?

 

2
Where did that fat bitch get a burger–and why didn’t *I* get one, too?

 

 

3
For funsies, sometimes JoJo and I just sit around telling each other: “You just big.”

 


 

 

4
Yeah.  1979.  Eat my old ass.

 

 

5
I imagine JoJo’s first video will be her being “Billy Badass the Bitch” and in the background, you’ll hear me singing (in a gospel voice) “Jeeeeeeeeesus!”

 

 

6
What kind of sick bitch says this to their husband?

 

7a
Things get violent around Casa de Fatass pretty quick.

 


 

 

8
That meme is how we respond to each other 50% of the time.

 


 

9
In my defense, two fatties shouldn’t try to fit in a shower together.

 


 

10
BUY not BUT.  Sometimes I can’t spell.

 


I gotta go.

Until next time…

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6 thoughts on “Things My Wife Says – An Ongoing Saga – Pt. 12

  1. Considering you’re quite open about sharing elicit texts, I’m dying to know what you thought was so awful you had to scratch it out on the hamburger message!
    That being said, be careful with the typos. Asking someone to but two 1 liter soda bottles could be… painful.
    😮

    1. Scratched out part – someone who’s not me or JoJo was mentioned and I don’t blast non-famous people on Das Goose without permission. “But”–I did say I’d put them up her butt, so….

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