It’s supposed to be Yum-Yum Friday today…but I just wasn’t feeling “hood” enough to throw a recipe together for y’all.  I know, I know.  Y’all depend on seeing me cook, biting at your fingernails, hoping I don’t cut off a finger.  Or that I don’t actually use Aqua Net and set the house ablaze.  It’ll be back next week.

If you really can’t wait, go revisit some past Yum-Yum Fridays: Zucchini Frittata, Summer Squash Fritters, One-Pot Jambalaya, Creamy Cheesy Chicken Enchiladas, and Quick(er) Chicken Cobbler.

But this Friday, let’s move into the weekend with #MonkeyPenis.

Long story short, JoJo put me, herself, and one of our friends into a group text.  Just for context, her birthday is in NOVEMBER. This happened:


Yeah.  That’s a life-size Sock Monkey with…genitals.  Doesn’t that lady look happy?  Sigh.

That’s my response in blue, just FYI.

Anyhoozles, our friend messaged me in a separate text.  This is how that went down:


You probably have questions.  When JoJo first moved in with me, a little over two years ago, we went to the casino for a night out with a friend.  Different friend than the one in this text convo and they don’t even know each other–that’s how far-reaching this story has become.

After the casino, the three of us went to a, um, er, “toy store”.  Like ya’ do.  Just for funsies.  Seriously.

JoJo bought a black blow-up doll, named him “Bobby”, and blew him up and put him in the corner of the living room, so every time I got up in the middle of the night to go use the bathroom, I’d see this naked figure (with a full-on erection) lurking in the corner.  I mean, I’m not against being sexually harassed in my own home by my wife–but I don’t want to be half-asleep and scared to death when it happens.  I don’t want to fall out in the hallway while screaming, “WHO’S IN HERE?!?!”  And then have that scream answered with a cackle ten feet away.

Yeah.  I signed a government document and stood in front of a Justice of the Peace with this woman.  I know it’s all my fault.

Anyhoozles, anytime JoJo texts me now with an idea that is absolutely crazy, I just respond “#MonkeyPenis” to let her know it’s dumb.  I can convey all of my emotions with a hashtag and two words.  So…it’s all been worth it.

Well, kind of.  This arrived a few days later:


So…we now have a sock monkey with a dick.  Hashtag…Monkey Penis.

Until next time…


16 thoughts on “#MonkeyPenis

  1. I knew I shouldn’t have read this post. I knew, by the title…. sigh.
    In consolation, the only thing I have to offer is that at least it’s not the life sized penised sock monkey with balls. You certainly wouldn’t want to see that on your way to the bathroom at midnight.

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