It’s supposed to be Yum-Yum Friday today…but I just wasn’t feeling “hood” enough to throw a recipe together for y’all. I know, I know. Y’all depend on seeing me cook, biting at your fingernails, hoping I don’t cut off a finger. Or that I don’t actually use Aqua Net and set the house ablaze. It’ll be back next week.
But this Friday, let’s move into the weekend with #MonkeyPenis.
Long story short, JoJo put me, herself, and one of our friends into a group text. Just for context, her birthday is in NOVEMBER. This happened:
Yeah. That’s a life-size Sock Monkey with…genitals. Doesn’t that lady look happy? Sigh.
That’s my response in blue, just FYI.
Anyhoozles, our friend messaged me in a separate text. This is how that went down:
You probably have questions. When JoJo first moved in with me, a little over two years ago, we went to the casino for a night out with a friend. Different friend than the one in this text convo and they don’t even know each other–that’s how far-reaching this story has become.
After the casino, the three of us went to a, um, er, “toy store”. Like ya’ do. Just for funsies. Seriously.
JoJo bought a black blow-up doll, named him “Bobby”, and blew him up and put him in the corner of the living room, so every time I got up in the middle of the night to go use the bathroom, I’d see this naked figure (with a full-on erection) lurking in the corner. I mean, I’m not against being sexually harassed in my own home by my wife–but I don’t want to be half-asleep and scared to death when it happens. I don’t want to fall out in the hallway while screaming, “WHO’S IN HERE?!?!” And then have that scream answered with a cackle ten feet away.
Yeah. I signed a government document and stood in front of a Justice of the Peace with this woman. I know it’s all my fault.
Anyhoozles, anytime JoJo texts me now with an idea that is absolutely crazy, I just respond “#MonkeyPenis” to let her know it’s dumb. I can convey all of my emotions with a hashtag and two words. So…it’s all been worth it.
Well, kind of. This arrived a few days later:
So…we now have a sock monkey with a dick. Hashtag…Monkey Penis.
Until next time…