JoJo (the missus) completed a round of antibiotics and steroids recently. That was fun times. I mean, having a heat-wave in Texas while your partner is experiencing legally prescribed ‘Roid Rage is something that should just not be missed. Like the toe that she ripped off of me one day just for the fuck of it. Just kidding. It was my pinkie finger.
Anyhoozles, as any of you that follow The Midnight Goose regularly know, the conversations between JoJo and I are unusual at times. Fucked up, some might say. We’ve discussed the fact that I would eat our dog and ride JoJo’s body down a mountainside like a sled. We’ve talked about my theory that the person selling us a dog was probably a drug lord. We’ve talked about the fact that she embellishes stories about me to her friends and coworkers.
But, do you know where we really shine? Text.
I’ve even shared a few of them here on The Midnight Goose. But here’s The Thing™–’cause there’s always a “thing” when I post:
I’m not nearly as crazy as I make myself out to be. I run things by JoJo before I blog about them–especially if it’s about us. I love JoJo. I love my marriage. And I like being a good-person (when I have time), so I make sure she has the final say in things I post that may reflect poorly on her. Considering the things I’ve posted, just imagine the shit that I hold back on.
I’ve had sentences, pictures, and even whole blog posts vetoed by JoJo. But, I understand. Some of the shit that I say and do is best kept to muhself. Granted, neither one of us will be running for President one day (even though, apparently, anyone can get that job).
However, some things just shouldn’t be aired publicly. I was unable to tell a story about *allegedly* having sex on a pile of gummy bears due to a Missus Veto. A Missus Veto keeps me from sharing my favorite joke ever with y’all–simply because it involves necrophilia. I was told that I would be punched in the face if I talked about certain sexual acts due to a Missus Veto–even though that story didn’t involve either of us. Recently, I had the idea to Google sexual acts, post the top 5 PG pictures that came up in the results and have y’all guess the search term. Vetoed again. I was told that I wasn’t allowed to post about text surveys I randomly send to everyone in my contacts list. Actually, that one she just said was in bad taste, not that I couldn’t post about it. Let’s just say, sometimes I will randomly text the bulk of the people in my phone and ask them a random question, like “Have you ever licked someone’s butthole in a sexual way? And, if so, did it make you question all of your life decisions and contemplate which specific one brought you to such a low point in life?”
But she was right. That one is in bad taste. Besides, I’m not willing to share my friends’ answers (everyone responded – FYI) so, it would’ve been an incredibly short post anyhow. But–roughly 50% were anti-butthole licking–the others were mostly undecided. This is why voting matters, folks.
I think this post has gone off the rails.
Anyhoozles, recently, I was approved by management to share two other texts with all of you. So, enjoy and shit. Hopefully, it makes you feel that your marriage/relationship is actually very functional.
If you want to read a book (or two) that are not full of my nonsense, why not this one?
And due to popular demand, I present this:
Until next time…