I’m just going to say what every author, blogger–HUMAN–is thinking. Social media is the absolute worst. It’s the worst part of my job. I’d rather light myself on fire and try to put it out with that blue shit in airplane toilets than have to deal with social media.
When I’m done writing this post up, I’ll probably be right back onto Twitter, liking, retweeting, and making twats, so…take all of this with a grain of Morton’s.
It was George Carlin who said:
“People are wonderful. I love individuals. I hate groups of people. I hate a group of people with a ‘common purpose’. ‘Cause pretty soon they have little hats. And armbands. And fight songs. And a list of people they’re going to visit at 3am. So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes if you’re really looking.”
And that sums up social media for me. I absolutely adore individuals that are my friends/followers on social media sites (not that I have a shit-ton at the moment), but collectively, social media sites and their members can really rub my ass sideways. Once people get involved in social media, they take on this herd mentality of “Let’s be the worst possible versions of ourselves!”
I recently posted this on the Tweeter:
And I stand by it. I’ve actively considered leaving all social media and going with a “grassroots” method of promoting my blog, writings, and books.
Recently my Instagram follower count went from 200+ to less than 100. Why? Because I noticed that people would follow me, then, once I followed them back, within the next day or two, they’d unfollow me. I mean–why is this a thing? Why would you pull this dick move? I’m willing to follow you and help you get exposure, why are you not willing to do the same for me? Because, if I’m going to clog my timeline with your nonsense, the least you could do is the same. I mean, we can always “mute” each other–you don’t have to be a dick and just unfollow once you get what you want. I mean–this isn’t a Grindr “meet and greet”–we can stay friends after the initial “transaction”.
So, I did a Great Instagram Purge™. Anyone that didn’t follow me got unfollowed–well, at least the ones that followed then unfollowed me. I follow folks on social media that don’t follow me back–but that’s because I enjoyed their content and followed them without expectation of reciprocation. I just wanted to see the stuff they said and created. That’s how social media is supposed to work. If you like my account, follow it. If I like your account, I’ll follow it.
But don’t unfollow me as soon as I follow back, ya’ big bowl of vinegary douche.
I’m well aware that becoming “Instagram Famous” involves having more followers than accounts that you actively follow. But that shit is for people like the Kardashians, Jenners, and Justin Bieber. You sell pottery ya’ made in ya’ kitchen…ya’ ain’t all that. I can get the same shit for cheaper at Crate & Barrel. Even if you get a shit ton of followers with this method of following an account then unfollowing it once they follow you back, no one is going to buy your products. I mean, people aren’t dumb. They know what you’re up to…so you’ll just be the crusty knob on Instagram with 10k followers and a bunch of ratchet pottery sitting in your closet collecting dust.
So…I guess that’s my rant about social media sucking turds. Don’t follow me on social media if you just plan to unfollow me once I follow back, assbags. But, if you do follow me, and I haven’t followed you back, don’t be afraid to DM me. I probably just wasn’t paying attention.
UPDATE: Since scheduling this post, I’ve left Instagram. So, if you want to follow me, it’s just the Facebook and Tweeter, Litsy, and Goodreads for now!
BONUS UPDATE: If you think you’re going to talk shit to your spouse in Spanish and get away with it, don’t have a bad enough memory that you forget that she knows Spanish. One, she will correct your usage and then tell you to “go fuck yourself.”
Until next time…