Okay, like I always say–if you follow The Midnight Goose with any regularity, you know that JoJo and I are not the type of people you invite anywhere. You definitely don’t put us on speaker phone. We say and do jacked up shit all. of. the time. We’re not trying to get attention, we’re just naturally…charismatic? All right. Maybe we’re just assholes–but that’s neither here nor there. If a person can set aside their (understandable) annoyance with us, we can be amusing. In fact, JoJo’s doctor tells her that the television station TLC ought to follow us around with a camera every day. Of course, that’s probably not because she finds us funny, but because she once caught an episode of My 600-lb Life…
Side note: That fucking asshole…I just put two-and-two together…
Anyhoozles, it’s Tuesday. Not the weekend, not Friday morning–with the promise of two days of freedom ahead (sorry, health care, law enforcement, restaurant, and retail people)…it’s not even Hump Day yet. So, what better day to bring more nonsense to you from JoJo and me? Even if you don’t laugh, at least you can be grateful you don’t spend much/any time with us. So, here are some of the ridiculous conversations we’ve had recently.
JoJo: Look. You’re up here. *waving hand above her head* You need to bring it down here. *waving hand at waist level*
Me: Sorry. *taking another chug of my coffee* I’m sorry that I’m a person that can wake up and be naturally chipper.
JoJo: You’re not chipper. You’re fucking crazy.
Me: *wrestling coffee carafe away from JoJo and cackling*
JoJo: *with absolutely no lead in* How do you feel about tuna noodle casserole?
Me: …how do you feel that I will respond to that?
JoJo: I need a parakeet. And a flamingo.
Me: But…you hate birds.
JoJo: *shrugs and walks away*
JoJo: Have you heard of WinCo?
JoJo: We could shop at the one in McKinney to save money.
Me: A thirty-six-minute drive?
JoJo: We’ll buy a cooler and ice to put the groceries in for the drive.
Me: To…save money…?
JoJo: So, I was reading that the first anniversary is paper.
JoJo: Nah. I’mma send you a bill for all the shit I’ve put up with.
Me: *rolling my eyes*
JoJo: Second anniversary is cotton, so I figured you could buy me cotton balls to put in my ears so I don’t have to hear your bullshit.
JoJo: Did I ever tell you that I know how to kill a man using hardly any force?
Me: ….maybe it’s time to brush your teeth, then?
P.S. I’ve never wrestled a coffee carafe away from JoJo (I don’t think), but in my overly caffeinated brain, that’s what happened.
Until next time…