You know when you’re minding your own business, doing chores around the house, getting some work done on your blog and social media…and then a documentary director slides into your DM’s, asking you to participate in a documentary that he is making for A&E? No? That’s strange. Happened to me yesterday.
I don’t really know how to approach this blog post today since it’s so ridiculously off-the-wall and downright funny…but Imma try.
So, today, my ass got roasted by a documentary director…and then JoJo’s ass got roasted in the next breath. I was doing some meal prep around the house as well as working on The Midnight Goose blog, and working on some social media nonsense. Suddenly, a DM pops up from someone I had never interacted with before through my “Allen T. St. Clair” account on Facebook. Figuring it was just a random follower of my Facebook or other social media, I opened the message.
Long story short, the DM was from a documentary director (I think…could be a producer or even serial killer for all I know), asking if I wanted to participate in a documentary for A&E. About people living with Tourette Syndrome. Hilarious. Truly. I had to stop laughing before I could respond.
However funny this was, I knew that I had two choices. One, I could respond with “Fuckshitgravy” (which is a real word!) and confirm my participation…or I could tell the truth. Like always, I chose the truth. It’s usually funnier anyway.
Being as polite as possible (though using humor–as I do), I informed this man that, while I swear a lot, I’ve yet to be diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome. I apologized for the confusion, and suggested he had the wrong person. He responded that he was under the impression that I had blogged about my wife having Tourette Syndrome. My ass was blasted–so why not move on to JoJo?
By this point, I was ready to lie and claim that both JoJo and I have Tourette Syndrome–and we’ll out fuck any motherfucker in the whole fucking world. Where’s my plane ticket to wherever this fucking shit is filming and sign us the fuck up?!?! Fuckshitgravy! However, I knew that this was irresponsible, and while I could make fun of being confused for someone with Tourette Syndrome, it’s quite another matter to pretend to have it.
Regardless of what people might think of me (which, most of it’s my fault, the way I behave), I went ahead and told the truth again. Neither JoJo nor I have Tourette Syndrome. We wouldn’t be able to help him with his documentary. However, I wished him the best of luck….sad that I couldn’t participate.
This story seems completely made up…I understand. But, I knew some of you may think that, so I offer proof (I blocked out the man’s name/contact info so no one could roast him back or just generally bother him).
Didn’t make it up, people. Not that anyone could be imaginative enough to make that up. However, once the man and I had stopped messaging, I suddenly became suspicious.
How would someone get so confused about JoJo or I having Tourette Syndrome, then go so far to say that I’ve blogged about it? Well, a cursory search of The Midnight Goose led me to this post about JoJo using the terms “butthole” and “nut sack” too much. So…I guess I was kind of asking for it. I also stalked the guy that messaged me and confirmed that he actually is a documentary maker–and this wasn’t some elaborate prank someone had set up.
Oh, well. While I’m sad that A&E won’t be featuring JoJo and me in a documentary where we’d be expected to cuss, it’s really for the best. I mean, I do have a face that could sell gravy…
By the way, I said “Tourette Syndrome” so many times in this post, it probably won’t be long before I get another documentary offer. What do y’all think?
Until next time…