Coffee Makes Me Human & Other Things I’ve Come To Accept About Myself

First and foremost, let me say, how clunky is this blog post title?  You’d think someone that blogs and writes for a living would put a little effort into writing a more succinct title, right?  Jeez.  I don’t know about y’all, but this Allen T. St. Clair guy…

Anyhoozles, this week I’ve spent a lot of time thinking, working, thinking some more, and working a shit-ton more.  Yeah.  “Shit-ton” is a quantifiable unit of measurement.

Spending a lot of time in my head, thinking about plots, book cover ideas, advertising campaigns, wondering why dogs don’t have thumbs…I’ve begun to examine things about myself.  It could be that JoJo (the missus) and I have been involved in a “lifestyle change” since the first of the month, and the severe reduction in my caloric intake is causing a mild decline in my cognitive abilities.  Or it could just be that I have lots of thoughts and now that I’m eating less, I have time to actually spend on them.

It’s called self-discovery, people.

For example, I’ve come to accept that usually, I will sleep like a baby for 5-6 hours, and then wake up with an energy level that is impressive for a fatass of my caliber.  And it lasts until bedtime.  JoJo is not amused by this.  Just imagine the fuckery she’ll have to put up with once I lose weight…


However, the energy is only mental–until I’m 2/2.5 cups of coffee in.  Once the coffee kicks in though…brace yourself.  Tubbly is on the move.


Additionally, why do I always insist on antagonizing JoJo all day long when I know that it is going to end poorly for me??


I’m a more highly functioning human being and work better if the daily chores are done–sometimes to the point that all I do is annoy JoJo.


I also know that whenever I have a “brilliant” idea for advertising, a new story/book idea, blog post idea, etc., JoJo is the first person that I need to run it by.  Because if she thinks it’s embarrassing, it probably is.

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And, regardless of how much she will plot to kill me, I always have to make comments anytime she performs any bodily function.


These things are just who I am as a person.  For better or (usually) worse, it’s who I am–it’s my personality.  It’s the very essence of who “Allen” is.  Sure, I could change things about myself that are abrasive and annoying, but what fun is that?  I pledge to stay on my lifestyle change…but only when it comes to making my body healthier and skinnier.  My mind can continue to be a rotting cesspool of fuckery.  And I’m okay with that.  I’m Allen T. St. Clair, and I am a hot damn mess.

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In the meantime…buy my book.

And also check out the Great Book Giveaway 2018 that is coming at the end of the month–presented by Shelly the Sea Schnail.  Yeah.  That’s more of my crazy.

Until next time…