Don’t Tell Me How To Live My Life

So…a few weeks ago, I was restless.  It was about 11:30 at night, and I just had too much nervous energy–to the point that JoJo was getting tired of me more quickly than usual.  She was suggesting activities that we could do in order to get my mind off of how nervous I was, but none of them sounded that great.  I wanted to play Gin Rummy, but apparently she didn’t know how and/or just didn’t want to play.  Seriously, I’ve never seen a person so adverse to card playing in my entire life.  It’s like when she was a small child, her family belonged to a cult of card playing weirdos, and they had to escape in the middle of the night with nothing but the clothes on their backs in order to get away from the mind-controlling card players.  Or something like that.

Anyhoozles, it suddenly dawned on me that what I really wanted was a Slurpee.  I mean, a drinkable sno-cone is always a good idea that close to midnight, right?  Also, might I mention that “Slurpee” is a trademarked beverage name that you can only get at 7-11 convenience stores?  However, any “ICEE” or similar drink, I just automatically call a “Slurpee”.  I mean, “Band-Aid” is a brand name, but isn’t that what you call all bandages?  “Q-Tip” is a brand name, but who the hell refers to them as “cotton swabs”?  You get my point…

So, Jodi offered to drive me into Sherman (since, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m incapable of driving) to a convenience store that is open 24/7 so that I could get my liquid sugar drink.  Due to that fact that it was so late, she suggested I call first to make sure that their machine was on and operational.  Because why drive ten minutes just to be disappointed, right?  So, I Google’d the number quickly, gave them a call, and found out that it just rang and rang.  Well, we knew they were open–but it was irritating that they couldn’t be bothered to answer the phone.  Regardless, we decided to just go ahead and go because JoJo suddenly realized that she could use a Coke.  Again, in Texas, every soda is referred to as “Coke”.  Although, in this case, “Coke” meant “Coke Zero”.

So, we drove into Sherman, I go into the convenience store, and I located the “Slurpee” machine.  By the way, I was wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and flops.  So, yeah.  I was stylin’.  After staring at all of the flavor options, I started to look for the cups, but the set-up was such that I had to holler at the woman behind the counter to ask which were the appropriate cups.  I was really hoping the jumbo cups were okay, but she directed me to these tiny clear plastic cups that couldn’t hold a batch of midget piss.  I asked if I could use a big cup and she could just charge me double, but I was greeted with a death stare and a firm “No”.  As you might guess, I wasn’t going to make friends with her.  For a brief moment, I considered just buying multiple Slurpees…but I still only had two hands, so…

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A Slurpee I bought on a road trip to Washington state with my sister.  This is the size they should be.

Ignoring that the woman was obviously a fucking asshole, I made my drink, went and got JoJo her Coke Zero, and opted to also get myself a Limon Pepino Gatorade for later consumption.  When I finally approached the counter, some guy had come out of the “beer freezer” with a twelve pack of beer and was checking out.  The lady (that loved the word “no”) that was checking him out, saw what I was carrying and said “you know those Gatorades are two for 3 bucks, right?”  I politely told her that no, I didn’t know, but I just wanted the one, thank you.

This bitch, and the guy she was actively ringing up, started to have a conversation about how stupid it was not to buy two Gatorades since the second one could just be saved for later, blah blah blah.  The whole time, acting like I wasn’t there, and thinking that I was deaf.  I rolled my eyes, and said “Look.  I tried calling up here before I came, and you don’t even know how to answer a phone.  And, sir?  You’re buying beer at 11:45 at night on a Wednesday.  And it’s not even decent beer–it’s Miller Lite.  I don’t think either one of you is in a position to tell me how to live my life.”

During this tirade, I suddenly realized that I was in flip-flops and not really in a position to physically fight, so maybe this was the wrong time to stand up for myself.  However, they were both in such shock that I wasn’t going to let them just talk shit that I was able to get checked out, pay, and leave before they had the chance to come up with a rebuttal.  When I got to the car, I told JoJo about the transaction, and she had the appropriate response for when I do something stupid.  She rolled her eyes, and drove away as quickly as possible.  She knew to not tell me how to live my life.

Until next time…