Things My Wife Says – An Ongoing Saga – Pt. 2

JoJo, my wife, the missus, says what she wants, when she wants.  If she’s tired and/or irritated, or just feeling feisty, it gets really bad at times.  She’ll say what’s on her mind if she feels the need, or if she’s just bored and feels she needs to liven things up at any given time.  She’s told salespeople, doctors, government officials, friends, family, other loved ones, and a plethora of other folks any manner of things in order to have a little fun.  Of course, sometimes it’s not just for fun–but to make sure people are aware what type of crazy they are dealing with.

Usually, the things she says are unique to the given situation at the time, and are used once, never to be heard again.  Or at least not for a while.  However, sometimes she’ll pick a phrase or word, decide that it can be used in any given situation, and wear. that. shit out.  I’ve lived through her need to say the word “butthole” at least four times in every sentence that she uttered.  Whether we were having dinner in a restaurant, riding in the car together, or talking to a salesperson, she threw the word into the conversation.  Even if there was absolutely no reason to say the word “butthole”.

And really, when you think about it, even if you’re a proctologist, actively shoving a scope up someone’s backside, there’s not really a great reason to utter the word “butthole”.  And even if you’re wanting to call someone a name, why not just be an adult and call them a “fucking asshole”?  Anyhoozles…

Another instance where JoJo latched onto a phrase was when someone was ignorant enough to say the phrase “nut sack” in her presence.  Of course, this set off days (what felt like years) of her sporadically saying “nut sack” throughout each day.  It was bordering on a Tourette Syndrome situation towards the end.  It finally culminated in her walking by the bathroom door (while I was in the bathroom) and eerily whispering “nut sack”.

Finally, I had to take her by the shoulders, look deeply into her eyes, and advise her “The only appropriate time to say the word ‘nut sack’ is if you’re talking about a bag of cashews.  So don’t say ‘nut sack’ again unless you want me to kick you in yours. Okay?”  She merely rolled her eyes and moved on about her business.  However, she hasn’t uttered the word since–and we’re going on weeks of silence on the matter.  Of course, she’s probably just waiting until I drop my guard, but I’ll enjoy it while I can.  Then again, once she sees this post, “nut sack” will probably work its way back into her repertoire…

Until next time…


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