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If You’re Dead, I Have A Condo For You

So…whether this is true or not, I don’t know.  But I read it on the interwebs, so I’m betting money that it is 100% bonafide truth.  Why would someone lie on the interwebs?  That’s not a thing is it??

Anyhoozles, in 2006 in London, a woman was found in her apartment, reduced completely to a skeleton, after being dead for 3 years, with her television still going.  This is morbid, and kind of sad.  I mean–how could someone be dead for 3 years and no one know?  Did she not have family or friends that noticed her absence for a full 3 years??

But then I realized–wait a minute…this bitch lived (well, not so much) rent free for three whole fucking years before the super was like “Ya’ know, I really should go collect the rent from Mrs. Gardner*”.  I mean, I’m sure the super had stopped by the apartment several times, heard the T.V. going and thought, “not right now, Clarence*, I don’t want to interrupt her stories.  Maybe I’ll come back during the commercials…”.  Pretty nice of him, really, if you think about it.

I forgot to pay my gas bill once, and the company sent me my mother’s finger in a jar.**

Additionally, why wasn’t the cable shut off?  I mean, this lady must have been the queen of paperless automatic billing each month.  I guess, maybe, her social security or something was going directly into her bank account, and each month her bills were getting paid automatically…but this is still some unrealistic shit.

When there was a hack at Target, I had to get a new debit card.  When there was a hack at Sonic, I had to get a new debit card.  And they’re only good for 2-4 years, even if nothing happens that forces you to get a new one before that time is up.  This lady had everything set up directly on her checking account, obviously, ’cause a debit card wouldn’t have done it.

Regardless, it’s obvious that dead folk have it easier than the rest of us.

dead-tv.jpg
Come back later!  My stories is on!

*I have no idea what their names were–but Mrs. Gardner and Clarence seemed right.

**It wasn’t that scary.  My mom’s dead.  A finger from a live person is much more intimidating.

Until next time…

Update: I’ve discussed this with the missus, and our combined takeaway is–where do we get a T.V. that will run for 3 years without crapping out????

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Allen T. St. Clair is an author, blogger, amateur cook, and all-around smartass, hustling to get his books and other projects noticed.

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