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Parrots Will Mock You if Your Wife Dies

So, the other day, Jodi (the missus) and I were sitting around (like we do), and just glaring at each other, daring each other to go for the first fatality.  In case you didn’t know, around Casa de Fatass, we entertain ourselves a lot by making empty promises about killing each other.  It’s free, it’s fun, and it keeps us both on our toes.  And since we don’t have nearly enough life insurance, it’s also a risky, adrenaline boosting exercise.  At least, that’s what I’ll tell my doctor next time I’m questioned about my physical activity.

In fact, we’ve become so adept at this game, we’ve upgraded to coming up with more and more creative ways to take each other out.  I won’t share any–just in case one of us actually follows through one day.  I mean, make the cops do their jobs, don’t map out how to solve the crime in writing, ya’ know?

Regardless of actual intent to commit murder upon each other, or whether or not the cops will eventually get involved, Jodi and I are just entertaining ourselves.  We actually adore each other (though, I suspect, Jodi will deny this fact), and are simply having fun.  Even if one of us got that heated during an argument where weapons of some kind were drawn (I’m going for the cheese grater myself), it probably wouldn’t lead to murder.  In fact, after threatening to kill each other, we usually have a very nice conversation over food.  Maybe we’re just “hangry”?  Here’s how it went this last time:

Me: So, would you actually ever kill me?

Jodi: No.  I don’t have the energy.

Me: Same.  I would miss you too much, too.

Jodi: Eh.  You could always get a pet so you didn’t feel alone.

Me: Like what?

Jodi: *shrugs* I don’t know.  A parrot?  They talk.

Me: Hell, no.  Parrots just sit around, make noise, and mock you.

Jodi: …

Me: …what?

Jodi: Well, a parrot might keep you from noticing I was even dead…

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If you still don’t believe that parrots are assholes, check THIS out.

 

Until next time…

P.S. Don’t forget to sign up for a chance to win free stuff from The Midnight Goose!

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