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My Friend Cynthia’s Penis

Today’s post is a cautionary tale.  While it may not apply to everyone, it can definitely be applied to a lot of situations.  Sometimes you may ask a lot of friends questions, or pose a question on a social media site…and things don’t quite turn out quite the way you expect.  For example, I recently posted on Facebook that I was looking to engage with my audience more.  Because of that, I would let people suggest what I posted about.  It could be anything.  Do you see how this might be a recipe for some really fucked up suggestions?

Well, honestly, no one really commented much on the actual social media posts.  At first, this was really depressing, as my efforts to engage people more with The Midnight Goose and my social media accounts seemed to be ignored.  No one wanted to suggest a topic?  No one cared about the blog?  No one cared enough to post anything?  I mean, not even one follower or friend cared enough to take time out to type out a sentence or two in response?  More than hurtful—it was kind of embarrassing.  At first, anyway…

That’s when the texts and Facebook messenger comments started trickling in within the next few days.  Some were along the lines of “your posts about your road trip with your sister are fun, do more of that” or “I like the recipes you’ve posted”, and smartass things like “make a blog post telling us all of your credit card numbers”.  You know, fun, simple, harmless stuff like that.  But, there was really nothing all that original or unique, so I just kind of pushed the idea to the back of my head.  Granted, the credit card suggestion was funny—but there’s no point in stealing my identity.  You’ll bring it back within 20 minutes and give me $20 and a hug anyway.

However, today proved that when you least expect it, a friend will surprise you in ways you never would have considered.  My friend Cynthia was coming out to see me and bring us food to munch on after she got her hair did.  We were texting while she was in her stylist’s chair, talking about what she should get us (McDonald’s ended up being the final choice).  On a whim, I mentioned to her about wanting to engage more people and get suggestions for blog posts.

Let me preface this by saying—Cynthia is absolutely beautiful.  She’s gorgeous.  She’s a wonderful lady that seems very polite, put together, and has tons of manners.  That’s to folks that don’t know her.  Deep down, she’s a psycho with a quirky/dark sense of humor that I absolutely adore.  We can sit around and eat fries and laugh about our eventual heart attacks and/or strokes like nobody’s business.  She’s my type of people.  Even so, you don’t really expect certain types of jokes to spew forth from her mouth.  So, when I mentioned wanting blog post ideas—her response was “You can blog about dis dick!”

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The dance I imagine Cynthia did while typing out her text message.

Obviously, I dropped my phone, fell over, and laughed for at least five minutes.  Once I got over my laughing, I sat up and thought about how I should react.

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How I would normally react to that suggestion.

Instead of acting like the prude we all know that I am not, I decided that her response alone was worth its own blog post.  So, yes, Cynthia.  You inspired a blog post.  And here’s how I feel about your dick:

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Cynthia’s dick is wonderful.

Until next time…

P.S. The moral of the story–be careful what you wish for, ’cause you might get “dis dick”.

P.S.S. Don’t forget to sign up for free stuff!

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