Horses Are a Gateway Drug

Jodi, or as we call her around these parts, “Boo Boo”, has an obsession with animals and wanting pets.  For those unaware, we lost our tailless cat Herman when he got run over on the road in front of our house.  Ever since then (and probably before), Jodi has been on a mission to figure out what kind of animal will be our next pet somewhere down the road.  We’ve covered all the normal bases—another cat, a dog, fish, etc.  We’ve even wandered into the more exotic pet discussion—hedgehogs, ferrets, and so forth.  However, we’ve decided that it might be best to wait until the end of the year before taking on the challenge of a new pet.

Obviously, I’ve tried to make the discussion enjoyable, suggesting pets that would never be accessible to us.  Animals such as Tree Lorises, Capuchins, and, not quite inaccessible, a hairless cat, otherwise known as a Sphinx.  Jodi was pretty open to the first two ideas—though uncertain that we could actually find a way to purchase a Tree Loris or Capuchin or sneak one out of a zoo.  But a hairless cat is out of the question as far as she is concerned because she is afraid of them and thinks that they look like demons that just crawled out of Hell.


                        Tree Loris                     Sphinx Cat                   Capuchin Monkey

She’s not wrong about the Tree Loris and the Capuchin.  I wouldn’t have the first idea how to buy one, and I know my ninja skills are not good enough to kidnap one from the zoo.  However, a Sphinx cat is precious.  It does not look like a demon that crawled up out of Hell.  It looks like a huge raw chicken breast that just needs someone to understand and love it.  Besides, how much fun would I have waking Jodi up by holding this in her face:


Pit Demon from Hell a.k.a. Sphinx Cat

Either way, Jodi has gone off the deep-end in suggesting pets over the last month or so.  As we were driving through the countryside (which is pretty much everywhere around our home), she stated, in a dreamy voice, “I want to get a cow”.  Of course, I had to be the asshole—or as I call it, “the voice of reason”—and explain that a cow could not live on our property.  we don’t even have a quarter acre lot.  A cow would be unhappy and within a few days, we’d be knee deep in cow pats as soon as we walked out the door.  Jodi dropped the idea, but has remained bitter ever since.

Of course, she hasn’t totally given up.  Her requests have gotten grander and grander over the last few days.  At one point, I think she wanted to contact Dr. John Hammond to see if we could get our own Brontosaurus.  While I am mildly intrigued to find out how our neighbors—hell, the town—would react, I have to say “no” to such requests.  After so many “no’s”, Jodi calmed down for quite a while in her request for pets.  That is…until we were watching T.V. and she saw a bunch of horses.  This is how that went:

Jodi: I want a horse.

Me: No.

Jodi: But why?!?

Me: …

Jodi: Tell me!

Me: Ya’ know what? Horses will be your gateway drug.  We’ll get a horse, put it in the backyard, and next thing you know, I’ll step outside and there will be a fucking rhinoceros. So, no.  You can’t have a horse.

Jodi: …

Me: …

Jodi: Fair enough.

Until next time…