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Siri Has a Booty Call in Arlington

Let me preface this blog post with this caveat – I’m technologically impaired in a lot of ways.  When it first came out in 2006, and someone asked me if I used Twitter, there were several awkward moments of silence while I tried to figure out if I’d just been sexually harassed.  I finally figured out that I wasn’t being assaulted, but I’ve hardly sent any twats since.  Sending more twats is on my To Do list this year.  Having said that—I didn’t realize that my iPhone was set up where Siri could just be activated while speaking to her—even if your phone is locked!

Look, I’ve always been leery of voice-activated machines.  I mean, they’re just laying around, listening to you (it’s all very HAL 9000) until you say the magic words. In the case of my iPhone, the magic words are “Hey, Siri!”  You have to follow that with a question, or she just blinks at you lazily like a developmentally disabled Cyclops for a few seconds before shutting off.  But if you use the Magic Words, followed by a question, Siri will light it up and spit some truth.  Even if you aren’t expecting it.

The other night, my friend Cynthia and I were discussing vending machines—why doesn’t matter, and even if I could remember, it wouldn’t be interesting enough to mention.  However, I jokingly said “Hey, Siri!  Where’s the nearest vending machine?”  Imagine our shock and horror (Cynthia is a luddite and afraid of our future robot overlords, too) when Siri lit up and started speaking to us like she’d gotten a formal invitation to the party.  Which, in retrospect, I did invite her, but I didn’t know I was doing it at the time.  It’s like inviting a new friend into your home, then finding out they are a vampire and could only enter your home with an invitation.  If you’d had all the information available, you wouldn’t have invited them in, would you??  Well, I was seriously about to pull some garlic and holy water out on Siri and tear her creature-of-the-night ass up.

After a few seconds of shock and awe, however, Cynthia and I calmed down.  Immediately, we realized that we hadn’t paid attention to her answer and we should actually ask her the question we had posed again: “Hey, Siri! Where’s the nearest vending machine?”  Here’s how that transaction went:

Hearing Siri’s response, and knowing there was a vending machine less than 10 yards from me, I was disappointed that she was completely wrong.  Cynthia wasn’t fazed.  With a turned up lip she said “Mmmhm.  You know Siri just wants you to take her to the Amerigas in Arlington so she can meet up with some Android for a booty call.”

Until next time….

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