The Goose Flies at Midnight – An Unstructured and Erratic Introduction

Blogging, or running a blog, as I’ve come to find out over the last month, can cause stress—if you’re lucky.  If you’re unlucky, it’s stress, an iffy stomach, and just a touch of the Trots any time you dare think about your new venture.  Personally, I know nothing of the Trots.  All of my bodily waste gets recycled, converted to evil, and then reabsorbed.  It’s really the only way that I can stay at an acceptable level of vitriol for long periods of time.  Without this process, I simply turn to apathy and Loft House1 cookies.  And then Jodi (the wife) senses my moment of weakness and asks for things—like kitties, puppies, and some of the aforementioned Loft House cookies.  And that shit will. not. stand.  But I digress…

So, figuring out what my first post on The Midnight Goose should be about presented me with a conundrum.  Obviously, I want to promote myself as a blogger and author, but that’s not enough.  Mentally, the blog (everything from aesthetics to content) is perfectly clear and I know exactly what each blog post will entail.  But in a little place we all refer to as the “real world”, it’s not that easy.  I’ve found out with research that most people have an idea before they actually start a blog.  Call me crazy, but I find that to be a very lazy approach.  What? Panicking as the launch date of your blog gets closer and closer isn’t good enough for you?  Punk-asses2.

Anyhoo, as I was wasting time online, I Googled3 “blogging” and found the following definition:

“…add new material to or regularly update a blog…”

So, of course I then Googled4 “blogger” and found this definition:

“…a person who regularly writes material for a blog…”

Basically, nowhere was I told that my posts had to be good, funny, insightful, witty, useful, or contribute to the zeitgeist.  Not that the current zeitgeist is a puddle5 anyone should want to wade into willingly.  *whispering* It’s a little political at the moment.  The knowledge that my posts didn’t even have to be good really took the pressure off.

Blogging just required that I “add new material to or regularly update a blog”.  Bearing in mind the fact that I consider myself a purveyor of constant and useless chatter (ask the wife), I knew that I had this in the bag.  I found that a lot of blogs focus on lifestyles as a topic—which seemed like a piece of cake to me.  But since my lifestyle is composed of good eats, laziness, writing, reading, comfy chairs, Murder, She Wrote6, and Loft House cookies7, I don’t have much of one.  A lifestyle that is.

However, I’ve suspected for a long time that there is a fairly large group of people similar to myself.  Those that just want to plop down in the comfy chair with a good book, a box of cookies, and the T.V. remote on standby, and pretend that they lead an envious and worthwhile lifestyle (nothing says “lifestyle” like wearing footie pajamas at 3 p.m. on a Wednesday).  They just need a leader.  Enter yours truly.  I’ll gladly machete a path through this apathetic lifestyle for us all.  Follow me!

As we’ve covered, though, I don’t really have a specific lifestyle—unless “writer, blogger, foodie, and reader with the attention span of a chipmunk on meth” is a lifestyle.

Basically, by now, you should have realized that The Midnight Goose will cover a wide array of topics.  Writing, blogging, book reviews, cooking, baking, photography, poetry, travel, promotion of my books, and various other topics8 will be discussed in this safe place.  Our safe place. For future reference, you should also probably expect this to be the most structured and comprehensible post—in perpetuity.

So, until next time (which won’t be as long as you’re probably now hoping)…

  1. You know—the divisive and delicious, cake-y cookies with frosting and sprinkles you will never not find in the bakery section of Walmart? Didn’t know they had a specific name, did you? You’re welcome.
  2. Microsoft Word does not recognize “Punk asses” as an acceptable phrase. Or Punkasses. Or Punk-asses.  I don’t want to live in a world where “Punk-asses” is bad grammar.
  3. Google is a noun and a verb. Pretty sure that’s a sign of the apocalypse.
  4. Past-tense verb, as well. Watch for locusts. Or moral decay. Texas in August is a prime viewing location.
  5. Pond? Lake? Ocean? “Puddle” seems way too small.
  6. I have the entire series on DVD. I thrive on your jealousy.
  7. I think this is the most times I’ve mentioned Loft House cookies without going to the store to get some.
  8. Refer to the comment about the attention span of a chipmunk on meth.